Over the past few months, I have struggled with a question
Who am I?
Perhaps it is because my emotion is greater than my logic at times.
Perhaps it is because I struggle so much with being true to myself rather than adapting to the whims of people around me.
So I ask myself...who am I?
Today, I am an office manager, but what does that mean, even my employers aren't presently sure.
Today I am a Christian, but many times, more than should, I question this for I see the evil that creeps in and takes hold.
Today I am a son, the third son in fact to a family, I am an oops child. So am I a mistake?
Today I am a brother, brother-in-law, and uncle, but I am not there all the time and many times I am the lone family member not at events. I know...bad uncle.
Today I am a friend to people, yet there are some who used to be my friends that I have hurt them or even forgotten.
Today I am a failure and a small bit of success rolled into one somewhat overweight package of a human being.
Today I am a wealthy person by some and a poor person to others in terms of money.
TODAY I AM LOST
I have been lost for awhile. Many of the foundations I have leaned upon in the past have been removed and so I am as unsecure as the legs of a new born giraffe. So I don't know who I am anymore. My entire life is one big discombobulated moment. A giant juggler of life and the bowling pins are dropping like flies. There have been many times this past year when I just want to quit. Who am I? I just don't know. I have had my run of pithy statements that all result in me feeling more frustrated and confused. Is it true, that if I am asking myself if I am crazy, then I must not be crazy?
So who am I? I am a wanderer in search of answers.
2 comments:
Praying for some combobulation for your life.
You are yourself, unique in the eyes of God.
You are David, whose name means Beloved.
You are a person gifted by God with certain abilities, and the desire to use them.
Being a probable "oops child" myself (the fact that there are 7 years between me and my older brother makes me suspicious), I've always struggled with "I'm not special" (being a middle child does that to you -- 2 older sibilings, then me, then a younger sister).
But scripture says that the Lord knows each of our names, and that we are each, in ourselves, precious to Him. So that made me look to what He gave me, the gifts & abilities, and I asked myself what I could do with them? And the choices based on that have taken me to my happiest activities.
I don't claim to have a purely sunny life. Nor one without frustration. But I do have a little bit of a sense of "I am who I am."
You can find it.
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