Free Will

Recently I have been having some great dialouge with a friend about the idea of free will. I posed him this question and thought it would be healthy to get some other responses as well:

This logic probably has tons of holes...so feel free to find them: If we do have 100% free will, i.e. choice to follow or not follow, then that would mean that no matter what "nature" tendencies we are dealt with, we still have a choice to choose the path of God. So free will actually removes the crutch or argument, I was born this way or it is just who I am. If fact 100% free will gives me the idea that I am not tied down to conventional methods of life. What do you think?

Hamming it up

Well, I succesfully hosted my first holiday meal, unless you count Valetine's Day a few years ago. But this meal went wonderfully. My mom cooked a few casseroles and I baked a ham. If you read my previous post you will remember that it was just under 19 lbs. So right now my freezer has plenty of ham for the taking. I have been perusing recipes to get some ideas for uses. It was such a blessing to be able to join in fellowship with my parents and grandmother as well as old and new friends for Easter Dinner. It made me appreciate all the ones before me who had cooked holiday meals on a Sunday. How did they manage to get it all done? Next year I will be wiser and get a smaller ham. Hope everyone out there had a tremendous Easter.

My Easter Ham

This year I am going for the big challenge. I am cooking for my parents, grandmother and some friends for Easter dinner. Honestly I am nervous!!! Not because I will cook anything deadly, just because I have a 18 lb ham. My friend David called me a few weeks ago and said the Auburn University Meat lab were selling their hams for 2.09. I of course knew it was 2.09 a pound but he thought it was 2.09 for the entire ham. One could surmise he has not cooked a lot. Anyway...So I said put me down for a whole ham, thinking it would be 10-12 lbs. I got one of the smaller ones there...these pigs were huge!! So now I am realize that my ham will be cooking in the oven for 5 to 6 hours. What have I gotten myself into? Any recipes for leftover ham..we will definitely have some!!!

What to do?

I was driving down Samford Avenue this morning to get my car's oil changed and this dog ran in front of my car. I slammed on my brakes, my tires screeched but not soon enough. I hit the poor dog, I was about to open the door when I saw him jump up and hobble away, followed by another dog. They ran away. I did not know what to do. I drove ahead a little to see if he stopped but he didn't he ran into the bushes with the other dog. If he had stopped I might could have located the owner but he ran away...so now what...He had a slight limp when he ran but I still feel like a jerk for not letting the owner know.

What's Your Sign?

Today I had a wonderful conversation (albeit online through google chat) with a good friend, I invite you into my conversation...it was edited a tad and the context really doesn't matter to the blog. Please also note that I have part of my slogan thanks to Sarah's comment on my previous post.

me: Waiting on a sign from God
Friend: ew
me: unfortunately he keeps saying step out in faith but no specifics
Friend: what does that even mean?
me: heck if I know :-)
Friend: dude, the phrase "waiting on a sign from God" is crap.
Stop waiting for a sign, and make a decision and do it.
me: hey...I know that...
Friend: It's just that simple. You lack discipline.
me: I just like saying it because I envision a giant billboard on the interstate...saying...Duer....this is what I want
Friend: (try and imagine that line with an Arnold accent, and you'll get the full effect)
me: ummm ok
Friend: Oh, that's what you want? Too easy. It's in the bible. =)
me: No...I know myself too well...if that did happen I would grumble and complain that this is not what I wanted to do
This way I just shuffle my feet and stay inert
Friend: You should get a tattoo of that phrase on your back: "I just shuffle my feet and stay inert"
Punk goth kids would think you are awesome
It's laden with all sorts of existential angst - they love that.
me: I will put that on my tombstone after I hit the billboard and die
Friend: Yes! That will be even better.
So, now that you have read the billboard - Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly and all that - what are you going to do?

Though I was somewhat joking, there is a part of me that would love a "voice from heaven moment" just because there would be no question. But as I analyze that thinking process I quickly discover that with no question comes a greater sign of lack of faith. Jesus provided many billboard or a slap your hand on your forhead moments and yet we still have disowning Peter and doubting Thomas to name a few.

Do we learn better when we go though the unsure times than when we have a "go and do" moment. Because in the former, trust is in God but the latter trust is in doing rather than whom you're doing it for.

So what's your sign say?

A Most Hated Question

There are many questions I cringe at when asked, but the one that takes the cake is....(drumroll)...."If you could do anything as a career, what would it be?" That question sends shivers up my spine and makes me generally uncomfortable. Yes I do realize that by telling the blog-world this many of my friends who read this will be anticipating the next time they see me so they can ask me the question.
But truthfully...I despise that question, because I can't answer it. I can't pin down a dream job. There are times when I am asked that question and am flooded with thoughts of jobs I would like to do but are so far fetched they are ridiculus...(Work for Cirque de Soliel or a Master Chef at a nice resturant). Then there are other times when I feel this overwhelming since of guilt if I am honest and tell people what I really want to do...because if I do then that will be proud and haughty of me....(yes I realize this is stinkin' thinkin'.....I am working on it) So I will refrain and just get all uncomfortable. It is like a curse of the mind. I can win for losing and can't lose for winning.

Just a clarifier....I am not upset nor frustrated at those who ask...I just wish I had an answer for them....perhaps it is my age old struggle of trying to be right instead of faithful rearing it's ugly head.

Who Am I?

Over the past few months, I have struggled with a question
Who am I?
Perhaps it is because my emotion is greater than my logic at times.
Perhaps it is because I struggle so much with being true to myself rather than adapting to the whims of people around me.
So I ask myself...who am I?

Today, I am an office manager, but what does that mean, even my employers aren't presently sure.
Today I am a Christian, but many times, more than should, I question this for I see the evil that creeps in and takes hold.
Today I am a son, the third son in fact to a family, I am an oops child. So am I a mistake?
Today I am a brother, brother-in-law, and uncle, but I am not there all the time and many times I am the lone family member not at events. I know...bad uncle.
Today I am a friend to people, yet there are some who used to be my friends that I have hurt them or even forgotten.
Today I am a failure and a small bit of success rolled into one somewhat overweight package of a human being.
Today I am a wealthy person by some and a poor person to others in terms of money.
TODAY I AM LOST

I have been lost for awhile. Many of the foundations I have leaned upon in the past have been removed and so I am as unsecure as the legs of a new born giraffe. So I don't know who I am anymore. My entire life is one big discombobulated moment. A giant juggler of life and the bowling pins are dropping like flies. There have been many times this past year when I just want to quit. Who am I? I just don't know. I have had my run of pithy statements that all result in me feeling more frustrated and confused. Is it true, that if I am asking myself if I am crazy, then I must not be crazy?

So who am I? I am a wanderer in search of answers.

I had invited some friends over on Saturday evening to watch the final four basketball games. It also happened to be Phil's (my roommate) birthday. However, during the course of the week, I somehow double booked myself. Andrew, AKA Butch, needed a ride back from the airport on Saturday evening, so I called upon my good friend Nathan to take my car and pick him up in Atlanta. So around 9:40, I get a phone call from Andrew, saying that they were stranded on the side of the road. My stomach dropped, because my car about a year ago had some unfortunate and expensive engine trouble. So I asked what was wrong and he said..."It blew a rod". Now I am not car smart but I knew that was not good. So I said ok...I will leave to pick you up. So I asked Phil if I could borrow his car and headed to the interstate. I then realized I did not even ask if they were ok. So I called them back and checked on them and they were ok. So I asked a few more questions...Like do you mean a tire rod or an engine rod....Of course he replied engine rod. So after I hung up, I drove in complete silence outlying my plan for living without a car for a few months. About five minutes later, Nathan calls and tells me April Fool's. Needless to say I was emotionally discombobulated. So once my heart started pumping again and oxygen getting back to my brain, I politely joined in with a small chuckle and said I would meet you at the house. I must say....It did teach me a lesson about how much stock I had placed on a car as well as how much I take it forgranted. Nathan and Andrew are still my friends and no harm came to them.

Sunday was a blur. I went to church and actually got to sit in a pew this week for almost the entire service. Learning to let go and let others do things their way is difficult but in the long run the best thing for me. I took a nap after church, then Nathan and I headed to Atlanta to see Cirque De Soliel's newest show Delirium. It was awesome! It was unlike the Cirque show the Band of Bro's saw in Orlando. This was almost too intense and overstimulated. We arrived back in Auburn around 1:00am. I was so keyed up that I went and worked at the office for about 30 minutes or so.

It was a busy weekend but enjoyable.

DD