Going through the motions

Don't you just hate to get soap in your eyes in the shower? Perhaps there are some out there that has never experienced this but this morning I was mid-wash when some how soap sprang into my eyes causing pain. Since I was mid wash I had soap on my hands which prevented me to wash my eyes out. So I just closed them and finished up "blind". I noticed how deliberate I was in everything I did. Putting the soap back on the dish for example. In everything I did, I was taking care and thinking through each process. In my head I thought, I am intentionally going through the motions.

I usually hear that phrase in a negative context but I think there is something to intentionally or perhaps deliberately go through the motions. As I was getting dressed, I began to compose some thoughts about this blog. What is my equivelant soap in the eye? What gets me out of the automation and into the whys behind the process. In my spiritual walk, am I as intentional about following Christ on a daily basis as I was about wanting to remove that soap in my eye? Perhaps if I came to terms with how blind I am without God then I would want to do everything I can, as perfect as I can so that the blind may see. Perhaps we could all do with a good dose of soap in the eye.

Happy Thanksgiving

This morning I was able to sleep late, around 8:00. I turned on the TV and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade was just about to begin. For some reason watching the parade always makes me cry. They are usually tears of joy with only a few times mixed with tears of yesteryear. Having been in the parade when I was in 8th grade there are many memories attached to it. so I guess that is cause for some emotion to be aroused.

Having made a decision to just relax on this day of thanks, I chose to put up my Christmas tree and watch a few movies. My evening dinner plans fell through so I made poppy seed chicken and had my own T-day feast. Now before any of you feel sad for me...don't. This was my choice.

Have you ever been going at such a fast pace that you just need a vacation from people. That is how today and possible even tomorrow will be for me. I did go to the movies with a friend tonight and will see some family tomorrow but mainly I needed a break.

There are a few things I am thankful for that may seem trivial to most but to me they are what this day means to me.

I am thankful for my Cubs blanket because it reminds me that God gave me friends who love me.
I am thankful for my two roommates that go away for the holidays. It is always good to be reminded that you do miss them when the house is quiet.
I am thankful that I have a family who loves me enough to say it is ok that I did not join them for dinner in Bham.
I am thankful for God who loves me inspite of my mistakes and as a friend recently reminded me...Thanks be to Jesus Christ that I do not bear the burden of my forgiven sin.
I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving day. God Bless

Go to Church?

Last night at my part-time job, I was talking with a friend who goes to church with me about an article in Sharing the Victory, the web magazine of the Fellowship of Christian Athletics about Tommy Tuberville and his 2 team chaplins. About 30 mins later a coworker, Kevin, came up and said "So you go to church with Tommy?" Honestly, the first thing I thought was how does he know Tommy Hunke, who is a close friend of mine that has graduated, married and moved on. Then I realized he must have overheard my conversation. So I said yes. He then asked "Does the pastor pray more when we lose?" I jokingly replied, "Well since that has only happened twice in the past two years, I can't really say." I then went on to explain how he is a great family man and his mother also lives here and attends church. He seemed a little taken aback that I don't put a lot of hype into the fact that Coach Tuberville goes to church with me. For me, he is just a normal guy. I respect him a lot, and it took the heavy pressure of my mom on multiple occasions to ask him to sign a football for my nephew because I want him to feel safe in the church building. This of course is not the first time people have been "awed" that Coach goes to my church. Everytime, I leave these conversations just wondering...what would people say if I said, "Yea, Tuberville goes to church with me, but so do hundreds of other people and I am pretty sure that God attends regularly as well." But I don't think they would get the point.

Late Lunch

So early this week, I found out that a good friend, Kara, was hoping to come into town and wanted to grab lunch with the three Amigos (Phil, Adam & myself). Kara works for Impact Alabama and she along with a co-worker were in the "general area." So lunch ended up being around 2:00, by that time I was really hungry. As me and Phil drove to Niffer's, we passed resturants and I could taste my favorite food of each place. Needless to say by the time I pulled into the parking lot, my taste buds were screaming.

Do I do that with my spiritual food? I just don't crave it like I do corn nuggets, honey mustard burger & fries. And here is the rub, I know I have been here before feeling the same thing but I let that moment pass away into the oblivion known as complacency. It all falls down to doing something about it. I am very good at observing and complaining about my situation in life, but I slam the brakes when someone wants me to do something about it.

I recently took the GRE. I honestly don't know if I will go to grad school or not, but it felt good to accomplish something different. To have a challenge and do my best. I did ok on it. Nothing to get me into Harvard or anything but it helped me feel a little more in control of my life. Please understand that all of this was prayerfully decided but I think I tend to "let" my circumstances dictate my life. I think I was led to believe that because of the past, you are bound to those cirmcumstances. Taking the GRE changed that. It gave me hope that just perhaps the church sign was true when it said "God does not consult your past about your future."

So now I am faced with another decision. On my dresser is a Bible Study book. A lot of my older friends have gone through it and it has challenged them and helped them grow immensely. But it sits there taunting me. Am I so afraid of change that even change from impure to pure, unholy to holy, spiritual milk to a hearty spiritual feast, I fight and resist? I want to think that is not true but in the past it has.

Will I allow this "feeling" pass or will I allow God to change me? It is my choice and I think that is what scares me the most.

The Odyssey…Van that is Part IV

The morning sun rose beautifully on that Sunday morning. I have typically been an early riser so while the rest of the guys were sleeping. I went outside and sat on the swing by the lake for just a little while praying and meditating. Soon it was ready to get ready for church. We went to Grace Church in Morton, Il. It was a wonderful service. The speaker was the associate pastor and he had been in the mission field abroad before coming to Morton. He spoke on Luke 15 and shared insights that he learned from reading this story with those who are from the middle east. It really showed me how much my culture as an American tints my reading/interpretations of the Bible.

We then went to one of my favorite places, Monical’s pizza. Though having only been there once before, I came close to begging that we go there again. They have the best thin crust pizza. The atmosphere is very eccentric. With movie posters, old lunch boxes and toys adorning the walls and shelves. It was a great time. We ordered 2 pizzas and I think had to force feed Eric and Jill to eat the last few pieces.

From there we departed to drop Jill off and then head to Pekin County High School to take a tour of Eric’s classroom. So we drop Jill off and go pick up Kim, Eric’s sister to take her to Bradley to drop off some items. So we precede to drive to PCHS, get out the car and in typical Eric fashion, he realizes that he has forgotten his work keys. We all start laughing and then saunter down a hill to peek into a small window of his classroom to get a glimpse of the room. He then takes us on a tour of the area. We stop at Bradley, Eric bachelors Alma Mater. We take a brief tour and then help Kim take some stuff to her dorm.

We then pile back in and head back the Larson homestead. Rosy had planned this meal for when we arrived on Friday but do to car trouble had postponed it for Sunday evening. The entire Larson family, minus the Dad, who was away on work, gathered round the table, laughing and story telling. There was no mistake. This family loves each other but further, each one loves God. Coming from a family that is similar in that aspect, I am continually thankful for that blessing. People gradually went home and it was just the Band and Paul outside half-heartedly playing hoops.

We all went towards the dam embankment and just sat and let the Spirit guide us. I could attempt to explain that night but words fail me because I can’t begin to explain the feelings, sights or sounds that came from God being presence with us and guiding our thoughts, songs, and prayers. It was good. Praise God.

After that experience, reality of the world began to set in. Eric had school in the AM and we had to get on the road to head back towards KY to see about my car. We awoke and loaded up. Giving our hugs and farewells to Eric and Rosy. It was hard for me because I knew that it would be awhile before I would physically see one of my best friends again. I am not ashamed of my sentimental attitude. But life is life and friends move away.

To wrap up the saga. My car’s engine had died. So after quick decision making, we extended our rental and headed to Auburn in the Odyssey. Leaving my car to be repaired. (that is a story for another time but not today).

I want to thank my faithful readers for reading my story of that weekend in September. It will be a weekend I won’t soon forget. The Band of Brothers lives on, in fact we meet tonight. But right now I have to go to Walmart and pick up my new contact lenses.

DD

The Odyssey - Van that is Part III

When we last left our foursome of friends, we were spending a relaxing afternoon by the lake. It was time for a decision. Do we go the actual Pumpkin Festival or spend the evening at home. All of us agreed that culture usurped relaxation. So we piled into the car and headed back into Morton. The Pumpkin Festival reminded me a lot of county fairs. There were amusement park rides, food vendors of everything imaginable, and port-a-potties. We first had a viewing of the winners of the pumpkin-carving contest. There were some impressive creations. The theme this year was Moments in History so there were a few representations of George Washington; Ben Franklin was present as well as the first moonwalk.

After that we went towards a large tent that held a plethora of tables and chairs. We stood in line for a pork chop sandwich (first timer here for this) and sat down and ate. Early that week they had held a lip-syncing contest and the winners were being presented and then would perform. We had “The Blues Brothers”, the “Go-Go’s” , I think a country singer or two as well. We sat there for a while enjoying conversation and allowing Paul, Eric’s brother to join us and eat. We then headed to Dairy Queen for a pumpkin blizzard. It was delicious!! We then did what all 20’s ages people do at a cool place such as the Pumpkin Festival. We cruised. We strolled all through the park, stopping every 10 minutes or so for Eric or Jill to say hi to friends they have not seen in awhile.

We then headed to the back of the park where a ride called “the Zipper” was located. Eric & Kim (Eric’s Sister) wanted to ride it so we all stood around talking waiting for them. The moon was beginning to rise and it was a huge. (Yes, I know that the moon is always the same size, blah, blah.) When then walked to a quaint coffee shop and had hot beverages to warm us up, though it was not too cold to begin with.
We then went home and began watching Finding Neverland. Excellent Movie!!!. And then it was bed.

A funny

I was reading a blog this morning and she was discussing her health issues that seem to have compounded. Someone commented to her post..."If Job had a blog....." I laughed out loud at that idea. The implications are still meandering around in my head maybe it will become a more detailed post later.

The Odyssey - Van that is Part II

It was Saturday morning, Phil, Eric & Adam had just finished running the 10K. The weather was a beautiful clear day. I don’t recall if it was zero clouds but I think it was close. We collectively did some stretches and then piled into the van to head back to Eric’s house in Groveland.

I am not sure how many people out there in blogland have siblings but us four guys are brothers in every since of the word. As passed a Pepsi distribution plant and Phil, who had previously seen the place on the trip to the race, let out an emphatic moan/sigh of “Pespi” which started us in a conversation about Pepsi Marketing overseas that led me and Adam into a debate/argument. Now for those who know us, this is not atypical. Adam & I will be saying the exact same thing just differently and that will keep us occupied for a while until someone gives up. Now during this somewhat heated conversation, I looked and Eric was sitting there in the driver’s seat just smiling. I don’t know if he was smiling at the fact that life is normal because Adam and I were arguing or if it was the fact that he was oblivious to the entire conversation. Eventually Adam & I realized that we were both right and moved on. (I still say he did not listen to what I was saying.)

We arrived at the Larson home with a game plan of divide and conquer. Eric had a soccer game to coach about an hour and away. So Eric’s mom and Paul, Eric’s brother, were going to be our host for the rest of the morning and afternoon. We showered and loaded up to head back to Morton for the Pumpkin Festival Parade. Imagine if you will, Auburn University tailgating for a parade because that is exactly what it was. People had set out their lawn chairs starting around Tuesday to claim their spot for the big parade. I must admit I was skeptical about the quality of this small town parade. But add to the AU tailgating the concept of Mardi Gras and that was the Parade. Each float, group, organization or individual had candy to gently throw (yeah right) at the children who had lined up along the street. The parade was amazing. Bands from three different counties were there and to my utter astonishment, an elementary band was there, in uniforms and everything. Talk about starting them young. Pekin (another close town) has a band contest on Saturday of the festival so most of the bands were Junior High or middle school. But it was exciting.

The parade was about one and a half hours long but well worth it. Phil was accused of stealing candy from a kid, though I personally did not see it. We grabbed the lawn chairs and made our way to Eric’s grandmother’s house. I had met Grandma Ruth before but this time I saw her in action. We arrived at her house and she promptly lead us to the closed in porch to where a feast was laid before us. Granted it was not just for us. She had fixed food for about 20 relatives who all lived in the area and joined them for the after parade feast. There were sandwiches, deviled eggs, a vegetable tray and a myriad of other tasty dishes. At the end of the buffet was a box of donuts. Here it was the first pumpkin item of many that we would eat that day, pumpkin donuts. Grandma Ruth works at a confectionary so her work had made these. They were delicious, I ate one and a half. We had just sat down outside when here comes Grandma Ruth with two pumpkin pies in hand ready to make sure we each had a piece. She reminded me a lot of both of my grandmothers. She was epitome of love for her grandkids and she had also invited a few friends to join us who perhaps did not have any family. But it was not just the those triats. Her mannerisms reminded me a lot of my Grandma Duer. In fact, on time I called her just “grandma” instead of Grandma Ruth. I don’t think she minded, for she treated us all as if we belonged to her.

As dinner wound down, I joined the majority of the Larson clan in the screened in porch as they told wedding funnies and other stories that had us in stitches. The Larsons love to laugh and they equally love to pick on each other. I feel like part of the family when I am around them. They include me in their stories and look at me while they are regaling memories. I was not in the house of strangers but in a house of familiar people who don’t care about when we became friends but just focus on that we are.

Meanwhile, Adam and Phil were still outside. I don’t know the conversation but Kim (Larson youngest) was there so it is almost a guarantee there was laughter. I joined them as they were talking to one of Eric’s cousins who is in school I think at Bradley. Kim has just started her freshman year there so I gathered they were talking about the differences of schools and such. But just as in the porch, they were included, they were part of the community.

Steve Larson (the dad) had to leave to get to the airport so we all loaded up the van and headed back to Groveland for some rest till Eric returned. Adam and I took a nap while Phil continued to hack away at his homework. Eventually Adam and I ended up on the swing in the backyard staring at the lake. Adam and I, though we had argued just a few hours ago, sat and talked about life and what our futures hold and what impact our past and present had on those around us. I love moments like that. I love being around crowds but give me quality one on one time with someone I cherish and I feel more loved at that moment.

Eric, and then a little later, Phil joined us and we had our first chance to be brothers and check up on each other. It was not deep sharing but I felt a sense of peace when we were all together and Eric started talking about life since Auburn. The weather had remained beautiful and the lake was calm, except for the random splash down of a goose or a jump of a fish. Paul, Jill (Eric’s girlfriend) and Kim joined us after a while and we all talked and joked around. A few of us decided to play apple baseball practice. Watching 3 “grown” men trying to hit an apple with a small bat was quite funny.

From the moment we entered Grandma Ruth’s house to the when the last apple was pitched, it felt like home. It was not a home of permanence but it was home, a safe, secure place of God’s presence. There was no prayer time; no reading of scripture but worship was taking place. Each of us had spent the day receiving and giving blessings according to our gifts and talents. Perhaps it is like this everyday and I was just still enough to see it occurring. I don’t know.

Next: The actual Pumpkin Festival

The Odyssey - Van that is Part 1

At 6:10 AM on Friday morning, Adam, Phil & I headed towards Groveland, IL, to see the fellow Band of Brother, Eric. Little did I know the journey we would have under our belts before the weekend ended. For you see, we left with the knowledge that in 48 hours we would be travelling back to Auburn because of meetings and such, Adam and Phil had to be a part of on Monday.

So we headed up north to where the ground is flatter and the corn stalks were being harvested. In a near town, preparations had been made for the Morton Pumpkin Festival. A parade was planned as was a 10K/2M race. Pumkin Ice Cream, Pumpkin Pie, Pumpkin Blizzard from DQ, Pumpkin cake, Pumpkin donuts even pumpkin chili had all been prepared for a festival of unseen porportions of this southern man's eyes. The closest thing I could think of was a cross between the lee county fair and the Loachapolka Syrup Soppin'. But even that pales in comparsion.

But alas I am ahead of myself, for the time had not yet arrived to enjoy those pumkin delights for we three brothers had to experience bonding and growth. I drove till we stopped for lunch just outside of Nashville. Then Adam took over. Now we all know that it is slightly wierd at first to ride in the passenger seat of your own car but I eventually dozed off. I awoke a couple of times and things were going well. Then the last time I woke up, it was because the car had just stopped. The engine quit. Nothing. So Adam so expertly eased over on to the side of the road and then I panicked. I felt responsible that my Camry in which I had trusted so many times had quit. I felt embarrassed for I knew that compared to my fellow journeymen, I knew nothing about how to diagnose much less fix. I tried to compose myself multiple times but the stress and panic was crashing waves of thoughts upon me. "We are not going to see Eric, What the crap am I suppose to do?, why did this always happen to me?" I am 29 years old after all, I should know how to handle this in a calm, experienced way. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I called my Dad. Now my father is not a mechanic and he always seems to handle things so calmly and nonchantly that it is annoying to those who are panicked. But I called him and since he works at a toyota dealership, he transfered me to service. They inturned gave me the phone number to the service department in Paducah. I then spoke to man named Scottie. Scottie told me that he would call a tow truck and we would go from there.

When Ray's Wrecker Service called, the receptionist giggled when I told that there are 3 grown men in this car. She said, "it will be tight." While we were waiting for the wrecker, my stress level had leveled off and my proximity to a tearful breakdown had subsided till my brother Phil decides we should pray. Tears flowed all during the prayer. But I was able to dry them up before he finished, I mean after all, 3 grown men stranded on the side of the road and one of the crying is not cool. Eventually the wrecker arrived and this guy got out of the truck and without saying one word began loading my Camry onto the truck. Eventually Adam saw that his name was Chester. Chester was a man of few words. We eventually squeezed into the cab and headed into Paducah.

We arrived at the Toyota dealership at around 3:30. The person in front of me at the counter was being told that the mechanics get off at 4:00. The waves of panick were flooding once again. The ideas of a quick fix were thrown out the window. So I tried to call Entreprise, you know the people who will pick you up. They were out of cars. I could not believe it. The flood waters had once again reached the level in which I wanted to shut down. But I could not. Thankfully while I was dealing with Scottie finding out about my car, Adam found a place that would pick us up and give us a good deal. So pretty soon, Buddy drove up and took us to Rent-A-Wreck. Not necessarily an confidence inspiring name for a rental place but they were extremely nice. and gave us a great deal on a Honda Odyssey.

So around 4 o'clock we were heading once again toward Groveland. Thought of eating Momma Rosy's dinner were out the window, sitting next to that quick fix idea. So we stopped in Marion, IL at Fazoli's. It was great comfort food for me.

We arrived at Groveland around 10:30 that evening and I was drained. I just wanted to go to bed. But first I had to hug Eric. Once he put his arms around me, all the stress of the day just vanished. For I had arrived "home" I was at a place where I could relax and sleep.

The next morning, Eric, Adam & Phil were running in the 10k and I was running the 2 mile. (hey, I know my limits) So we spent that morning getting to race and by 8:30 all of us had run across the finish line. My deepest thanks to the lady orginially from Lagrange, GA who allowed me to stick with her for the first mile or so. Eric's dad, Steve, brought his bike and rode with the others. He also made sure I did not miss my turn.

Next post: The Pumpkin Festival Parade & more

Hot Chocolate

I could drink hot chocolate any season. I don't know why but it is my favorite "hot" drink. Over the past year or so, I have gone to each coffee shop that is in the Auburn/Opelika area and tried their hot chocolate. I must say none compare to the hot chocolate I can get from a home. Whether the home is my best friends apartment, Rosy's kitchen in Illinois, or my own kitchen with my grandmother's hot chocolate reciepe. There is something about a steaming mug in your hands sitting on a couch that has been worn in, being in a room that is lived in. There is some so comforting about it.

I have prayed to God about a lot things and recently I have noticed that I tend to ignore him if he is answering in a way I don't like. Kinda out of sight, out of mind. If I don't acknowledge it then I don't have to follow it. Yeah, it doesn't last very long before you are miserable because you know what you should do but you don't do it.

With the departure of two of my closest friends, I have been extremely lonely. The remaining close friends in Auburn mean a lot to me but they can't fill the void and I don't really want them to, I don't think. So I prayed to God for peace and a sense of purpose for this loneliness. Do you know how he answers me? Get this. "Let's spend time just you and me." That is not the answer I wanted. I want to reach out to people. I want to help change peoples lives. But no God wants me to spend time with him. It is slightly frustrating because I know that is what I should do, but the process of spending time with just God, requires faith that he is here with me. Requires trust that being alone is part of the plan of God. It also requires confession and repentence of which I do not like the latter. The former is easy but to change completely take work.

So now I feel like I am at the batter's box. I can listen to the coach and follow his signs or swing at the first pitch that "looks" good and end up striking out.

Patience is not my strong suit but that is obviously what I am being asked to work on.

"God's way is the best way"

Enough

The following article was in Lifeline a newsletter of Lifeline Chapaincy(emphasis is author's). Comments below.

Enough
Jesus assembles the “original 12”, and pointed to a world hungry to hear good news. Then he gave them these unorthodox marching orders:

“Don’t think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don’t need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment.” (from Eugene Peterson’s ‘The Message’ Matthew 10)

A different paraphrase might read: Don’t obsess over funds, and don’t over pack. Fear not, doors will open. You have what you need, for with me, you are equipped.

In my own spiritual journey, I have learned and re-learned this truth. I’ve learned that I am, like the undereducated, diamonds in the rough famous 12, capable of being salt and light, capable of bringing encouragement to the overwhelming discouraged. All because I am in God’s transforming presence.

And that is enough.

It’s a theological spin on an old saying: With God’s help, just be yourself.
In my early days of learning pastoral care skills with those who were bruised and hurting, I was taught to be present, to be caring, and to be available. (this was another way of saying that “I am the equipment”) When I polled advisers for specific words to say in difficult situations, I was told, “Go not with quick answers to the unanswerable questions, but with open hands, and an open heart.”

How the newly appointed apostle must have inwardly queried: “Where’s the sales pitch? What are the exact words I’m supposed to use to convey a message of hope? Don’t we need to practice this on each other first?”

So now I think of people who come to me, knowing my profession as a hospital chaplain, asking for a crash course in how to do crisis ministry…hoping I’ll provide them a computerized check-list of everything one is to do to connect deeply and spiritual with others.

Instead, I think I’ll simply point them back to the profoundly simple marching orders from Jesus: Go, just be yourself, trust Me, and always remember you are the equipment. Spread the message of the peaceable Kingdom. Tell others that God is here and now – within each of us, not out there for a select few.

And that is enough.

~Virgil Fry

Matthew 10:8b-10

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This truth Mr. Fry talks about is one that I have been struggling with for the past 10 years. Because I can come up with more excuses of I am not prepared or that the time is just not right, or the worse for me is that God can't use me because of_______ and I fill in the blank with the "stutter" of the month. I have some friends who are in the beginning stages of embarking on a new mission in my town. It has caused me to think and evalute my effectiveness in spreading the gospel here. I DO a lot in the name of God but I am not real sure how much I am doing FOR God or Because of God.

I feel a calling deep within me to stretch my wings and see how high and far I can fly, but I am so afraid of previous flight attempts that resulted in crashes. I pray that I will learn that I am enough because of God.

The Purpose(s?) of Blogs

So many of my friends now have blogs and they all seem to have them for different reasons. For some it is a conduit to what they are thinking at the time. For others it is a forum to proclaim their frustration and/or political stances. And even more of my friends have a blog to put forth ideas with a Christian twist or a new way to look at life.

I have no idea why I have a blog. Other than the fact that it is a cool way to communicate. Some people will probably look at my blog and think it is stupid or no real deep purpose. Well they are probably correct. These are just my thoughts and a lot of the time I am dumb or stupid, naive or just a plain nincompoop. But every once in while I think I do say something that may impact others who read this. So I keep plugging away, trying to navigate my way in the realm of blogdom.

I am really not enjoying life right now. Things are not going my way and I would love to have a huge pity party and yell and complain about how people are so frustrating and that friends should sign a pact at the beginning stating that if they leave the town then they are required to keep in touch, a guess that is a cross between a pre-numptial and child custody agreements with a twist of manipulation.

I hate arguements and misunderstandings, I hate that I am so stubborn sometimes to admit I was wrong. And I really hate it when people assume they understand me. I mean, if I don't understand myself most days then why do others think they can.

I have been around 5 times by a person I work with that there other jobs. Sometimes it was said in jest but other times it was said with full seriousness and in my eye totally out of the blue. He just comes up to my desk and says..."if this (meaning work) gets to rough don't kill yourself, there are other jobs"

My community, my close friends whom I call family, is in turmoil. I am reminded of the guy spinning plates on the post. I feel like I am in the audience watching as bit by bit, pieces of my community, people I call friends and brothers, are spinning and I am just watching wondering if they will fall and shatter or if the master spinner will keep them going no matter how wobbly it is from my perspective. Some plates are being picked up by the spinner and moved to a new location far away and other plates are desiring to be used for a different purpose. I want to lunge out and stop all the plates and keep them nice and still but unforunately, the spinner is in control and I can do is watch in antipication to see which plate the spinner touches next.

Psalms 34:15-20

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

God has always provided. I pray that I have faith to trust him.

News Item of the Day!!

Giant Popsicle Melts, Floods New York Park - Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050622/ap_on_fe_st/popsicle_disaster

Inspiration from my brother

This morning my brother posted a blog called Buddy Check.

The past year, I have been fortunate to have 3 "buddies." We meet every week and "check" on each other. Satan has been doing a doozie on my recently to create tension and confusion between me and the others. Last night when we met, I finally was able to let it all out. While I knew the truth that they loved me, the fear of losing them had prevented me from being real and open with them.

It hit me last night that that is exactly what I do with God. I am so fearful of his punishment and/or disappointment in me that I avoid Him, further exacerbating the guilt of the sin. Ultimately refusing the love and grace he has and freely offers.

When will I learn, and if I do how will it change my life?

Brother Where Art Thou?

For me the answer is very obvious, they are trying to talk to me. Starting yesterday a barage of emails and phone calls calling to talk to me. Both of my biological brothers called me with in 12 hours of each other. 4 brothers by the blood of Jesus also called within that 12 hours. 2 of which i had not spoken with in a few weeks and of those 2 one I still need to talk with but was talking to my older brother. (sorry Kevin)

So needless to say, I felt popular and loved.

It's so hard to say goodbye

The past few days I have been in a funk. For many reasons but one of them is that the next couple of months I will say goodbye to three of my close friends. Kara will be heading to Birmingham in July. Eric will be heading back to IL for a teaching postion near his hometown in August and Adam will graduate and head to who knows where for his Ph.D. in Dec. It is so evident in each of their lives that God has opened and blessed their paths they are choosing however it is hard on my heart. It is so easy to focus on the negative and think about how little time we have together. So I try to remain postive. But I will miss the daily interaction with them. The Band of Brother will no longer meet once a week in the same way. God has always been faithful in providing exactly what I need. So while I am sad, I am excited and trying to trust God in what he will bring about in the coming months.

Dinner for Twelve

Tonight I prepared dinner for 12 college students ranging from freshmen to people getting their Ph.D. We had lasagna (my sis-in-law recipe), Buffet Potatoes, green beans, corn on the cob, salad and bread followed bymy grandma's 4 layer dessert and my sis-in-law's Strawberry Layer Dessert.

It started with me inviting two of our summer interns over for dinner when I normally cook for my bros. I decided that I wanted to cook for more of my friends and ADam had a new couple who had just moved here that he wanted us to meet.

I think this was the largest number I have cooked for. We still have TONS of leftovers.

I am so grateful to my grandmothers for passing down the hospitality genes to my parents who have instilled it in me.

After we ate we sat around and talked, a group went to play ping pong ( one of the benefits of living in the student center), and now Adam & Eric are playing on their guitars.

Rough Morning

This past Sunday AM I was teaching the college class and leading singing. So I set my alarm and my phone to wake me up at 5:30 so I could get mentally ready as well as do some other normal tasks for me each Sunday AM. I slept through both alarms. Could not find anything to wear that looked and felt right. Then as I was leaving I could not find my wallet. I realized that I had thrown in the past of yesterday in the wash I started that morning. So yes I had washed my wallet. During church we sang “Turn Your eyes Upon Jesus” and I used my morning of an example of how wonderful it is that morning such as these do “grow strangely dim” when you focus on Jesus. So this morning someone of our congregation sent me an email saying they would try to squelch the rumor that I was into money laundering. I did not get it at first and had to ask for clarification. Boy did I chuckle and feel silly that I did not get it the first time.

Did you?

Memorial Day Blow Out

Yes that sounds like a retail commercial but for me it was a bunch of my friends getting together at my place for a cook out. I am following the legacy of my grandmothers in that I prepared enough meat for an army so I have plenty of burgers for leftovers. Chris came over and fixed his famous Jambalaya, Phil brought a pizza pasta salad that was excellent. Kara brought some pies that she slaved over and Eric & Jill brought some watermelon. Adam brought veggies and Ben brought cookies.

We had a blast hearing about turkey hunting stories and hearing the engagement story of Jonathan and Amanda.

God has blessed me so much with friends who love the Lord but also enjoy my cooking.