Life broke out here like the plague. This past month, some events of my past came back to haunt me in a very public way. The church family here responded well and loving for which I am thankful but I also know that it this is just the beginning. I am excited to see God working in my life and that a story I had kept hidden away I can now share as a testimony to God. But it is still difficult in the late night hours when I am alone in my thoughts. The doubts and fears creep in like a fast moving fog. They blind me and I am left with just my faith with waivers constantly. I hope that I will continue to steadfast hold to God for he is the unchanging one.
Sometimes I think that it is easier for me to trust in God when things are unknown because I have no control so all I can do is trust God. I know that there are many many people who love me, yet the idea of people finding out about my past sins/mistakes frightens me every time it is about to happen. I feel like I am withdrawing from those who did not know because I am fearful of rejection. But yet I know realistically that they will still love me if they are truely my friends but the fear is difficult to combat.
While there is relief in people knowing, there is also a difficulty in letting people process and deal with the information in their own time. I have had 11 years to deal with the various components of this but there are now people who are hearing this for the first time and I have to learn to be patient as they process.
For all those in blog-land who read this, I just ask for your prayers as I try to walk boldly with God.
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3 comments:
Oh. I am so sorry for what you'r going through. There are few worse feelings.
Don't let the darkness of night overcome you... don't be overcome with evil, but overcome evil by doing good. In Christ, there is no condemnation and you've been set free. When you feel otherwise, resist it.
Sorry. I do believe this could be a God-thing though, to bring this out of the darkness and into the light.
prayers....call me anytime.....please
Hey David,
Please know you are on my mind and in my prayers. Things will settle down in time - just hang in there. I admire your courage for just owning up and dealing with it. That takes a lot of strength which just testifies to God's presence in your life and the people around you that build you up. You have a great church family there and a lot of love floating your way...
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