Last night I attended New Horizon Theatre Company's award banquet. Since I had grown a beard for Fiddler, very few people immediately recognized me without my beard. In fact, one girl stood right next to me and did not talk to me, only to 20 minutes later see me from a far and ask when I got here. I sat next to a lady who was a hair dresser and owned a small store in Valley, AL but had travelled all over the world, though her dream place, Hawaii, she had not reached.
Sometimes dreams and wishes blind the reality of experiences.
It was comforting and uncomforting to be in a room full of people who really don't know who I am. All they know of me is what they saw for 8 weeks of my life. My favorite quote of the evening was "you can tell a lot about a person by who he hands around." I think of Jesus and who he hung around and feel challenged that most people I hang around look and think almost exactly like me. One more area of my life I need to work on.
I find that the more I truly work on myself to be a better Christian, the more I realize exactly how screwed up I am.
As I was leaving, a guy who I thought he and I never really connected with and honestly thought tolorated me, shook my hand and encouraged me to come back and said in parting "these are good people, we really need you here" But to be a part of this theatre company, sacrifices would have to be made. Cost of gas, missing midweek church services for practice and time in general.
Why is it that wonderful opportunities always have a price?
On the way home, I called a friend who had just become betrothed. I think I said, "so happy for you" or "sincerely happy for you" 10 or so times. I did blundered through my words when I also said I was nervous...I still don't know exactly what I meant. I am not nervous for them as a couple. I think the nervousness comes about myself. As more and more of my friends get married I wonder can I survive being single. I think I am scared about becoming invisible to the married folks around me. Perhaps that is why I was so verbose about being happy for them. I wanted to make sure that even though I am scared about me...I am still happy for them.
Sincereity is difficult over the phone.
I arrived home at around 10pm. My roommate was not home. Unfortunate for him, I have become a tad bothersome in my opinion. I have noticed an increase in asking him where he is going and what he is doing. I am turning into a parent but have no kids. My motives are 100% pure but it is a double standard because I hate it when people do it to me. He seemingly graciously accepts my questions and bares with me in my parental tendancy. He is a great roommate.
Why do roommates shine the light on our mistakes and issues so well?
3 comments:
I just hope that you can apply to yourself the same grace that you apply to others.
Phil
Hey "Some Call Me Duer." I love this post so much. It's so transparent and wonderful. It may be hard for you to be sincere on the phone, but not in a blog.
Are you gonna post a photo of you in a beard?
As an extrovert who happens to live alone, I recognize your concern. That wondering if anyone would notice if you happened to disappear. I don't know if there's really a way to chase away that feeling, short of having someone who loves you living with you.
But one way of countering it is to be genuinely in other people. To pay attention to their cares and concerns. To let them know that they matter to you.
At least you're conscious of this present impulse to be overy parental about your roommate. That's the first step in cutting back on the "nosey-ness".
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