News Item of the Day!!

Giant Popsicle Melts, Floods New York Park - Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050622/ap_on_fe_st/popsicle_disaster

Inspiration from my brother

This morning my brother posted a blog called Buddy Check.

The past year, I have been fortunate to have 3 "buddies." We meet every week and "check" on each other. Satan has been doing a doozie on my recently to create tension and confusion between me and the others. Last night when we met, I finally was able to let it all out. While I knew the truth that they loved me, the fear of losing them had prevented me from being real and open with them.

It hit me last night that that is exactly what I do with God. I am so fearful of his punishment and/or disappointment in me that I avoid Him, further exacerbating the guilt of the sin. Ultimately refusing the love and grace he has and freely offers.

When will I learn, and if I do how will it change my life?

Brother Where Art Thou?

For me the answer is very obvious, they are trying to talk to me. Starting yesterday a barage of emails and phone calls calling to talk to me. Both of my biological brothers called me with in 12 hours of each other. 4 brothers by the blood of Jesus also called within that 12 hours. 2 of which i had not spoken with in a few weeks and of those 2 one I still need to talk with but was talking to my older brother. (sorry Kevin)

So needless to say, I felt popular and loved.

It's so hard to say goodbye

The past few days I have been in a funk. For many reasons but one of them is that the next couple of months I will say goodbye to three of my close friends. Kara will be heading to Birmingham in July. Eric will be heading back to IL for a teaching postion near his hometown in August and Adam will graduate and head to who knows where for his Ph.D. in Dec. It is so evident in each of their lives that God has opened and blessed their paths they are choosing however it is hard on my heart. It is so easy to focus on the negative and think about how little time we have together. So I try to remain postive. But I will miss the daily interaction with them. The Band of Brother will no longer meet once a week in the same way. God has always been faithful in providing exactly what I need. So while I am sad, I am excited and trying to trust God in what he will bring about in the coming months.

Dinner for Twelve

Tonight I prepared dinner for 12 college students ranging from freshmen to people getting their Ph.D. We had lasagna (my sis-in-law recipe), Buffet Potatoes, green beans, corn on the cob, salad and bread followed bymy grandma's 4 layer dessert and my sis-in-law's Strawberry Layer Dessert.

It started with me inviting two of our summer interns over for dinner when I normally cook for my bros. I decided that I wanted to cook for more of my friends and ADam had a new couple who had just moved here that he wanted us to meet.

I think this was the largest number I have cooked for. We still have TONS of leftovers.

I am so grateful to my grandmothers for passing down the hospitality genes to my parents who have instilled it in me.

After we ate we sat around and talked, a group went to play ping pong ( one of the benefits of living in the student center), and now Adam & Eric are playing on their guitars.

Rough Morning

This past Sunday AM I was teaching the college class and leading singing. So I set my alarm and my phone to wake me up at 5:30 so I could get mentally ready as well as do some other normal tasks for me each Sunday AM. I slept through both alarms. Could not find anything to wear that looked and felt right. Then as I was leaving I could not find my wallet. I realized that I had thrown in the past of yesterday in the wash I started that morning. So yes I had washed my wallet. During church we sang “Turn Your eyes Upon Jesus” and I used my morning of an example of how wonderful it is that morning such as these do “grow strangely dim” when you focus on Jesus. So this morning someone of our congregation sent me an email saying they would try to squelch the rumor that I was into money laundering. I did not get it at first and had to ask for clarification. Boy did I chuckle and feel silly that I did not get it the first time.

Did you?

Memorial Day Blow Out

Yes that sounds like a retail commercial but for me it was a bunch of my friends getting together at my place for a cook out. I am following the legacy of my grandmothers in that I prepared enough meat for an army so I have plenty of burgers for leftovers. Chris came over and fixed his famous Jambalaya, Phil brought a pizza pasta salad that was excellent. Kara brought some pies that she slaved over and Eric & Jill brought some watermelon. Adam brought veggies and Ben brought cookies.

We had a blast hearing about turkey hunting stories and hearing the engagement story of Jonathan and Amanda.

God has blessed me so much with friends who love the Lord but also enjoy my cooking.

Disney World

It has been a while since those in blogland have heard from me. Part of it is I have been extremely busy in the weeks leading up to my vacation and this past week after my vacation. The other part of it is, lack of something to say.

So here is the low down of my trip. Those who have been reading my blog are aware that me and 3 other friends( known as the Band of Brothers(Adam, Eric, Phil & Myself)) were given a gift. It was a monetary gift with instructions that the money was to be used for us to take a trip. So we decided on Disney World.

We left on Saturday May 14. We headed down to Orlando and arrived around 8 or so. Checked in to our place and then went to Red Lobster to eat. We then walked around International Blvd in Orlando looking at the sights.

Sunday was our chill day. Phil went to see to his great-aunt while the rest of us played a game of putt-putt. I performed my typical and ended up in the typical last place. We then had milkshake and fries at Johnny Rockets.

Monday began our journey through the parks of Disney World. We began at Epcot. We had a great time in Future World and the World Showcase area. We met a talking trashcan named PUSH, a few foreigners and some of us even flirted with a cute shop girl from England. We ate in Japan. Then toured the other places making me long to travel to other places. We then walked to Boardwalk Disney and ate at the ESPN club. As we were leaving they were about to have a live interview with some hockey player. I don't remember who. We then went back for the firework show at Epcot. We left at around 9:20 in hot pursuit to get back to the resort so we could get a dip in the pool and hottub. But alas....we got lost....5 u-turns later we arrived back at our place.

Tuesday was Magic Kingdom day. It was a great. We road many rides 2 or 3 times due to the low crowds early AM, however by midafternoon it was crowded. But it was still not as crowded because the longest we waited in any line was 20-30 minutes for It's a Small World. Yes we went on that ride. Adam had never been to DW so it was a must do. We ate lunch at a pub near colonial village. After a fun day at the park we drove to Downtown Disney and picked up our Cirque Du Soliel Tickets and our Star Wars III tickets. We then ate at Rainforest Cafe. Though great food I was disappointed that no procedes of my meal were going to protect the rain forest.

Wednesday we went to MGM. It had the Muppets in 3D which was awesome. I am a huge Muppett fan. It also had a ride based on Star Wars that made many of us a little sick to our stomach. We finished up the park early and heading to the resort to change clothes and freshing up. For we were going to La Nouba.

It was AWESOME!! I would encourage everyone who enjoys circus type acts to see a Cirque Du Soliel show. There was not a bad seat in the place. It is was too good to be able to describe.

Thursday was Animal Kingdom, Disney's newest park. It was cool to see the animals and we saw a great bird show. Though it was very ironic that the place Phil said had the best food was a BBQ place. But it was good food.

Then came what we had all had been waiting for. We had 7:45 tickets on opening day for Star Wars. We ate at Wolfgang Puck Express and heading to the line to wait. We were able to get great seats and we were joined by great friends Andrew & Shannon Reagan who live in the Orlando area. We found out that they are expecting their first child. CONGRATULATIONS!!

Alas our trip was over at the conclusion of Star Wars. We had to take Eric to the airport and us to drive back to Auburn.

Overall it was a great trip. We are thankful for who ever sent that money and allowed us to take that trip.

I will post some pictures soon.


PS: Steve is this a big enough bone for you?

Grace Conviction

So I was driving along listening to my audio tape "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Yancey, when I came to a great yet sad conclusion. I want grace more than I am willing to give it. Every time Yancey gives an example, I immediately think of a similar instance where someone should have shown me grace or at times did show me grace. Not once did I think of a parallel example in my own life where I should have shown grace.

Not very gracious of me is it??

Is it suppose to be this hard to understand something so wonderful as grace?

Grace Lessons

Well it appears that the bloggers of the Duer family are getting lessons on grace this week. I personally feel like I have been blasted with an overflowing wave of grace and while I understand it more, I am more confused by it. I am currently listening to "What's so Amazing about Grace?" by Yancey. Each time I get into the car, I leave the car feeling extremely amazed at the examples of grace. Yet at the same time, they have really started to frustrate me. Grace in its truest form, makes no logical worldly sense. But yet, whenever I experience it, give it or witness it, it just feels right though frequently, I struggle with the giving side of grace.

Last night was a grace moment for me. Details are superfluous to the end of the story. Grace was given and received by two comrades in the faith.
It was a good night.

The Journey Home

“ We are not citizens of this world trying to make our way to heaven; we are citizens of heaven trying to make our way through this world. Tha radical Christian insight can be life-changing. We are not to live so as to earn God’s love, inherit heaven, and purchase our salvation. All those are given to us as gifts; gifts bought by Jesus on the cross and handed over to you . We are to live as God’s redeemed, as heirs of heaven, and as citizens of another land: the Kingdom of God. We live as those who are on a journey home: a home we know will have the lights on and the door open and our Father waiting for us when we arrive. Tha means in all adversity our worship of God is joyful, our life is hopeful, our future is secure. There is nothing we can lose on earth that can rob you of the treasures God has given and will give us."
The Landisfarne (via the Anglican Digest)

Can you imagine what it would be like if we truely believed that we are just passing through?

Trip to B'ham

My friend Eric and I went to Birmingham this weekend so he could take a certification test and I could catch up with a good friend and visit my brother and family. It was a wonderful, relaxing weekend. I was even able to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.

Saturday evening we watched Hotel Rwanda. An excellent movie. It was a difficult movie to swallow that this is based on reality. I am amazed at how easily I allow myself to become complacent about racism here in the south. I continually struggle, not with being cruel or malicous towards those of another race, but with seeing them as equals. It is not an overt thing for if it was, I think it would be confronted and dealt with. No my struggle is usually below radar.

In listening to What's So Amazing About Grace by Yancey and reading Blue Like Jazz by Miller, I heard of repentace services or a repentance box, where the congregation repents of the harm that people did in the name of Christianity. Is my Christian walk hurting others? I pray it is not, but if it is, may I be forced to my knees in realization.

Selling Out God

What language shall I borrow
To thank Thee, dearest Friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow,
Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever;
And, should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
Outlive my love to Thee.

written by Bernard of Clairvaux in the 12th Century.

I was convicted this weekend of how much I am in danger of being a lukewarm Christian. It is so easy. During worship Sunday, a good friend was leading us in worship and shared how this verse from O Sacred Head, really challenged him. "Outlive my love to Thee" The thought of me living past the thought of God's love is something I don't want to do but I do it everyday. I 'live' without accepting His love for me. It is not a constant acknowledgement that God is so powerful that he loves me despite my inept ability to do simple things that he ask me to do. I complicate his love. I place conditions on it for myself and for other people. Love. Lord, help me die in your love.

Maybe Too Much Information

This entry maybe too much info into my personal life but since it is part of my life I decided to share it with the world. Late Friday night it happened. I had prayed and prayed that I would never be a part of this club but I was inducted into the Kidney Stone Club. I tried to wade out the pain till around 2am when I called home and was told to go to the hospital. After 6 hours in the ER with no pain medication. I was released. I think it passed but who knows. I feel fine now and truly hope I never experience it again. Thanks to Phil & Mom....Phil for taking me to the ER and Mom for meeting me there and sitting with me.

Proud Uncle

Du's & Don'ts

My youngest nephew first pee wee game!! He is one cool dude!

"When you find yourself facing an issue in your life, the purpose or reason or good thing that might come out of it completely hidden from you--what do you do? Do you worry and fret, become preoccupied with the problem? Do you ignore it or avoid it? Do you complain about it, do you want to run away from it? Or do you see it as a situation in which you might be able to experience the power and grace of God at work? Do you watch for the work of God that is to be done in this situation?"
Father John Yates, Falls Church

I read this quote last night and was deeply humbled. I long to be the visionary that when I face problems I anticipate the chance to "experience the power and grace of God." I am reminded of the movie Patch Adams. When he is challenged to look beyond the problem. So perhaps my focus has not been off, rather it is has been focused on the wrong thing.

The Next Day

Well the printer is fixed, but then again, I never really determined what was wrong with it other than low on ink. So can I really say I did something right?

a day

I have just had a day when just once I would like to have done something right, or at least thought I had done it right. It was definitely a Monday. I pray that i will be like the Chris Rice song and wake up to a different day, attitude, and fixed printer.

Orlando Bound

Well it is official. Well the plans are official. If it ever is accomplished I will be amazed. Myself along with 3 other friends (commonly known as the Band of Brothers) are heading to Orlando to Disney World in May. I am cautiously excited because it is hard enough getting us four all together for dinner on a Monday night much less a 4-6 day road trip. But then again, that is the negative side of me talking. My fellow brothers have done well in allowing me to be in control of getting together different road trips. My personal favorite was termed the "Light bulb" trip. Head to Cedar Point, OH via Greeneville, TN. Then travel to Peoria, IL to drop of Eric for his sister's HS graduation. Then back to Auburn. But since Newby does not like roller coasters we decided to go to Disney Word. I just wonder how we can convice Adam that Spaceship Earth is a gentle boat ride.

The other cool trip I had planned was a trip to Fayetteville, AR, via Memphis, TN to see Les Mis. Three of us are fans and one wants to see it. But I was not keen on driving across Arkansas.

So my days as travel planner is over, now I get to work on the logicistics of the actual trip.

I doubt they realize how much they are feeding my control-freak habit.

The Facial Journey

The past few months have been a test of my faith in ways that I honestly did not think I could handle. It will soon be 3 months since half my face went limp from Bell’s Palsy. No one can notice now but the emotional scars are still there and it is taking a long time of healing. At first, I leaned 100% on God. People were praying for me, laying hands of love and healing on me. I could see that in me God was giving the strength to handle this. But after a few weeks, I let my guard of leaning on God down and Satan’s schemes took hold. I replaced reliance on God with reliance on myself. I took the stance of being super-strong and not letting it get to me that I talked with a slur or that my left side did not move when I smiled. But that did not last because I was scared that this could be permanent. So my reliance then turned to fear, which is where Satan wanted me. I felt crippled, not physically as much as spiritually. This fear dug in deep and invited his friends of depression and self-pity to join him in my life. On the outside, I was keeping up appearances, but eventually my close friends started seeing things were not right but my pride was too strong to admit where I had dug myself. Oh there were times when I would reach out my hand to friend and pull myself up a little ways out of the mire but eventually, because I was not replacing the fear with hope, I would sink further than I was before. The past two-three weeks have been the roughest. God was calling me back to him, I could feel his calling but was fearful of the journey back. Satan is good at his job. He orchestrated work frustrations to increase and personal sins/struggles to consume my thoughts. So instead of leaning on God, I became more despondent that I was losing it. My thoughts were becoming more and more dark. My façade of everything is going ok was crumbling. I began to ask for prayers for my dark negative thoughts. I wanted for the despondency/depression to go away. My brothers/sisters were faithful, they prayed and it ceased but deep down still knew that there were deeper issues at hand. My dependency on God had ceased. I don’t know exactly when but it had. This was playing out in my heart and actions. Work was not even remotely fulfilling. I was tired of being depressed, especially around my friends. My fears of rejection and loneliness were increasing. It was a vicious loop. So this week a change occurred. I don’t know what it was but Tuesday morning I woke up decided that this had to stop. I can’t pinpoint what changed but I started realizing how stupid I had become. It is now Thursday and the actual circumstances have not changed but I am handling temptation better and my willingness to control is pretty low. I guess I finally awakened to the fact that God does a much better job than I do in trying to work out my life. I look back to when it first happened and still hold to the truth that I am glad this happened. I only wish I had given my fear to God instead of internalizing it.